If I lay here

To all the angmohs out there, sharing is caring. Peace out.

Throwback

I was reading the Daily Bread the other day and was reminded that God’s mercy never ceases and that He is looking out for each and everyone of us each step of the way. To remember God’s goodness in the past brings hope and strength for today and looking back at my time in Sweden, I recognise that it was not just what I wanted but what I really needed.

After looking through my exchange albums, I pulled out three pictures that really made my heart smile because of the memory attached to the moment captured.

1) My first time experiencing snowfall:

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I remember that at this point we were all still new and trying to get to know one another. We were sitting around the living room in our pjs and I remember feeling so awkward and shy because I was totally out of my comfort zone. Suddenly someone shouted that it was snowing and it broke the ice because there were quite a few of us who have not experienced snowfall and we ran out excitedly in our pjs/slippers. It was such a happy moment and I am so glad I captured the moment because who knew that the three people pictured above (Sara, Aerin and Michael) became the most important people during my stay in Patrikshill. 

2) Walking on the rooftop of our apartment on my 22nd birthday:

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The one word that immediately comes to mind when I look at this picture is “Free”. A group of us stayed up till sunrise after we came back from a night out and we spontaneously decided to climb up to the roof of our apartment to take in the morning breeze. I remember us randomly shouting “GOOD MORNING HALMSTAD, GOOD MORNING PATRIKSHILL” and somehow it felt super funny/fun at that point in time. We had to run into hiding after because an angry chinese student started filming us and was cursing non stop. The whole situation was so ridiculous but also amusing at the same time.

3) First picture of Jens:image

This was taken on a rare day when Sweden had nice weather and Jens suggested that we go out for a walk. I learnt later somewhere that “Going out for a walk” is a way that Swedish guys show that they are interested in you but knowing Jens, a walk is a walk. He probably would have still gone out for the walk without me cos the weather was nice.

Anyway, I remember being excited because I haven’t explored Halmstad that much apart from the main city area where the shops were (haha). We were still getting to know each other at that point so I was quite awkward about taking pictures and I didn’t take any even though he brought me to this really nice “Book forest” area. While we were walking along this stretch of road, I spotted a stand that could be used to take a timed photo so to ease into asking him to take a photo together, I asked him to pose for this photo first. Yeah, I was really quite a dork but it is really funny to me now.

Happy to end the week with a smile. TGIF everybody!

This is it (for real)

I know that I have been going on about this for the longest time ever but after 1 year and 3 months, this toxic relationship with my job is officially over. I have reached a point where I am not even going to try to explain what is wrong with my work but I think that the >20 resignations I have witnessed during my short time here says enough. In spite of all the madness that was going on, no matter how miserable I was, I held on to the hope that things would get better, that I would be able to be proud of the work that I have done, that I would be able to make a difference. I wish I can say that I feel happy and relieved right now but I feel so bitter and also slightly angry.

For so long, I wanted to prove to myself that I made the right decision a year ago, that I had a purpose to fulfil during my time here but right now I feel like the “bad guys” have won and there is nothing more that I can do in my power to make things better. Maybe everything will make sense in the future but right now, I just cannot see it. What makes it worse is that a lot of the feelings that I am experiencing right now feels too familiar for comfort. Why did I allow someone else make me feel less worthy? Why did I invest my time and energy into another party who only cares about themselves? Why couldn’t I just let go?

I know that time will heal all wounds and hopefully this would be my last ever post regarding this wretched job. I wish that the people I loved were a lot closer but I am glad that Jens and I will be reuniting in some part of the world in six weeks and I would be seeing the Chngs in twelve. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this

ASIAN NETBALL CHAMPIONS

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14th September: It was awesome to witness Singapore win the Asian Netball Championship title after a really well played finals. We were down by 4 goals after the first quarter but managed to pull up and eventually have a comfortable lead by the third quarter.

After being out of the netball scene for quite awhile, it was nice to be back again and seeing some of the familiar faces play. There were many good interceptions and nice shots during the match. Prem was really on fire, it was so fun to watch her play.

I am glad the netball girls had a chance to witness this competition because I think it helped to open their eyes to how netball is played on the professional level.

It was a nice end to the weekend!

13th September: Lunch date with Shoo.

We met up for lunch at To-gather cafe and it was nice to see the place so busy and crowded. I thought the food was okay only but at least the food wasn’t overpriced like most of the other cafes in Singapore.

We went over to Maple and Market after for dessert and shared a rose cake and a banana waffle. It was reallyyyy good and the waffles would have been perfect with a scoop of ice cream. So happy to find this little gem because their cakes would make great birthday cakes!

12 September: Dress shopping with Jean.

Jean and I met after work on Friday to look for potential dresses for the wedding. There were not that many options at Robinsons so we just pulled different kinds of dresses to try for fun and see what kind of style/cut suits us.

It was fun to play dress up and even though we didn’t find a dress that we really liked, we are at least slightly less clueless about what we want. Hopefully we would be able to find our outfits soon!

Stumbled across this video during the week and really liked what these gutsy guys are doing with their channel. In case you are wondering, he was merely asking for 1 Sek which is less than 0.20 SGD. Although some people “complained” that the test was a bit skewed, I think it was good enough to get me thinking about how I would react if I was asked.

Anyway, I ended up watching all the videos on their channel and had a good laugh watching some of them. If you have more time to spare, do watch their other videos like Komplimanger and Fucka upp med dörrar.

I definitely have too much time, hahaha!

11 September: Dinner at Supply & Demand with Moe, Jean and Moe’s wedding decorators.

This is my second time at S&D and this time around we went to their other outlet in town and the lighting was so much better so I could take decent looking food pictures. I tend to get a bit awkward about taking photos with not-so-familiar people around but I also want to always have content to update the Chngs in LA so it is always worth it. I think I am getting better at being really fast/least intrusive as possible, hahaha.

Thanks Moe for the treat!